Brujeria

Description: Some guy got a really bad bloody nose in his bathtub.

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SB Thoughts:

:10 hey sorry, man. hate to break it to you now, but there is no god.

:22 I hope this pupper lives.

:42 BABE.

:59 HWHAT’S WITH THE ARMLESS BARBIE DOLL THO?!?!

1:17 hahahah

1:24 lemme get some of those self-lighting candles.

1:39 THAT BETTER NOT BE THE PUP!! :{

1:50 GOD. DAMN-IT

1:58 floaty slender man, get fucked. you can’t beat up puppers that way. that’s not FUCKING. COOL.

2:20 dude, you’re floaty slender-meat.

2:37 monster just got it’s NAILS. DID.

2:52 more like BRO-jeria. amiRIGHT??

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Lesson: I’m right.

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Rating: 4 out of 5 stars ✩✩✩✩

SWIPR

Description: Alone for the evening, Vicki meets her match. 👀

Written & Directed by Scott Craig & Andrew Coleman
Starring Emily-Alice Sesto, Stella Taylor, Tim Hayward
Thanks to Nikhil Chavda, Marisol Hillier

Emoji artwork provided by EmojiOne https://www.emojione.com/

Copyright 2017 Craig & Coleman LLP

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SB Thoughts:

:09 sick shower curtain

:41 everyone likes booze

:54 i didn’t see, but i’m sure that was a dick pic

1:36 HELLO

1:58 “IN A JEEPERS CREEPERS KIND OF WAY” – this babe

2:08 “…because I’m a demon” – also this babe

2:23 oh okay, that’s fucking weird haha

2:31 NOT OKAY

2:53 WHY WASN’T YOUR DOOR LOCKED BEFORE???

3:08 dude, fuck this haha

4:24 DON’T DO THAT!!!!

4:36 dude. looking through a peephole and seeing total darkness is not good.

4:52 and they’re wearing camo, THAT’S THE WORST.

5:10 omg. that’s so unsettling.

5:50 cool, thanks. just in case I forgot.

6:19 first horror short ever where police may have actually arrived?

6:42 there’s no fucking way this is actually the police tho

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Lesson: Fuck the police.

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Rating: 5 out of 5 stars ✩✩✩✩✩

The Tree House

Description: A girl and her family moved into a new house and during a welcome party, the girl is told by her little brother about a tree house in the backyard. She happily decides to go explore it. When she gets inside however, she discovers that it is a much more sinister place than she had imagined. She soon finds out that it is also the home of something else… Something darker…

Facebook
https://www.facebook.com/pages/MegaXt…

Website
http://megaxtremefilms.webs.com/

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SB Thoughts:

:20 so many Sams

:41 hahah but you’re so little

:57 SAID NO LITTLE KID EVER. That’s the first thing any little kid would notice.

1:09 spoken like a true 60 year old stuck in a 7 year old’s body

1:23 your jacket is a hoodie

2:03 this tree house is full of spooks

2:08 hahah that tweetie bird

2:17 people been getting drunk and lighting candles in this bitch

2:40 lmao

2:44 those finger painting bastards

3:05 SECOND FLOOR?!?! 

3:10 “this knife means I’m in the killer”

3:27 way to go, dummy

3:45 she’s about to be so spooked

4:00 “I guess no one was there..better just ‘leave'”

4:27 hahah oh the suspense

4:39 good round number dead

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Lesson: Some people are just born to kill.

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Rating: 1 out of 5 stars ✩

Facebook Sinister

No Description Provided

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SB Thoughts:

:46

1:04 “hey we’ve been FB friends for 5 seconds, I find you really interesting”

2:10 SO they talked on Facebook in english but in person they don’t?? OK

2:15 “wanna..like..get surgically attached to each other sometime????????????”

3:45 “Get inside.” sounds harmless

3:56 time to light the ceremonial candles

4:14 “I need your blood for the ritual. STOP MAKING THIS ABOUT YOU”

4:30 “we’re here for the sacrafice”

4:34 suddenly there’s a hostage???

4:54 “the page just says, smack them with leaves till they die? I guess let’s try it.”

5:49 blood capsules

6:00 wow, there’s still three more minutes of this

6:27 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j6G1uwe20wg

7:00 – 7:40 TRAUMATIC SPOOK FLASHBACKS

7:50 the demon surely let themselves in

7:59 “slidin’ in your hallways like..”

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Lesson: 2017: One minute you’re makin’ out with some rando from Facebook — the next thing you know — you’re watching their amateur exorcism.

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Rating: 2 out of 5 stars ✩✩

Porcelain

Description: Lucy and Sam – two siblings home alone for the weekend. What horrors will unfold when Lucy finds a porcelain doll in an old box in the attic?

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SB Thoughts:

:08 this is already extremely unnerving

:49 “hey uh, Sam, what the fuck was all that rollie pollie ollie shit that just happened real loud above our heads?”

1:28 that floral wallpaper is as pretty as it is ugly

1:48 um, okay?

2:00 –YOU KNO I’M GONNA THO

2:33 that is not a sight you just brush off. box it all back up. burn it.

3:26 CARPET YES.

3:38 cry with fear and burn it already

4:06 ask yourself, is there a fan in my house? if no, IT’S SPOOKS afoot.

4:29 since when is there a bench there? and why is this doll SO HIGH?

4:46 I can’t be the only one imagining her waking up naked and laying spread eagle in the middle of a circle of candles right now

5:01 okay, that’s three too many sets of hands. you’re under arrest for spooking me out.

5:58 SEE THOSE DREAM HANDS, LUCY?? those were MY dream hands…

6:15 “ya, I also speak and exist”

6:45 NOW THE DOLL IS A DRONE

6:58 lemme get that comforter tho

7:11 lemme get those doors tho

7:33 “I was just learning how to play the piano –SO I CAN KILL YOU SOFTLY WITH MY SONG”

7:51 “time to drink my daily dose of diarrhea”

9:07 this family owns so many fucking candles

9:33 hahaha

10:26 I remember my first time applying eye shadow

10:39 what’s that, just one of those Halloween decorations?

10:44 QUITE THE TIME JUMP

10:52 why would this guy just big full arm fireplace diggin’ like that??

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Lesson: Never go in your attic if you’re allergic to death by porcelain spook.

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Rating: 4 out of 5 stars ✩✩✩✩