Silent Night

Description: A short christmas horror film by Felix Pocock, Joe Fenn and Archie Barber starring Bronwen Morris. At home alone ‘Alice’ is trying to finish her history project when she finds a mysterious object in her loft

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SB Thoughts:

:23 SO CHRISTMAS

1:39 welcome to ASBESTOSLAND!

2:12 hahah what?

2:28 gotta wash all the spooks off

2:32 that was fuckin swift.

ALA CUISINE!

4:09 hahah it’s about time one of those got incorporated into a horror film!!

4:32 “hello, it is I, SANTA CLAUS, you get coal for Christmas” :end horror film:

5:08 it took a lot of hard work, but viola. the subliminal imaging:

5:25 those curtains were definitely closed

5:29 I SEE YOU, SPOOKY!!

5:41 haha sorry, gas masks just don’t spook it for me…

5:48 there would be splatter. and also those impact sounds make NO sense.

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Lesson: This woman must have been made entirely of metal.

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Rating: 3 out of 5 stars ✩✩✩

Giggle

Description: A Film By Jamie Knight
Starring: Georgia Machon

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SB Thoughts:

:24 let’s make the whole video still shots of flower vases

:30 dude, that’s the worst

1:57 bullshit on the coffee, this girl is like 12 years old

2:!8 do you live in a hotel?

3:17 LEAVE.

3:26 guess who can’t drive? it’s you.

go to the park or something.

4:16 NOPE.

4:23 leave, child. YOU HAVE YOUR WHOLE LIFE AHEAD OF YOU.

5:02 that’s just your sister

5:47 hahah first of all, why the stuffed dog?? and why are you covered in nailpolish

5:56 it wasn’t the worst, definitely not the best

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Lesson: Don’t leave your 12 year olds home alone or the demons will giggle and jump scare at them.

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Rating: 3 out of 5 stars ✩✩✩

[Jamie Knight personally gets 1 ✩ star because they’re an asshole with no sense of humor.]

Dying Beauty

Description: A widow is left lifeless after a gruesome car accident took the life of her baby boy and husband. After waking up from a nightmare she realizes she has to try to move on with her life and carry them with her wherever she goes. But is it too late?

Directed by James Allen

Widow played by Izabel Pavlova

Ghost played by J’shaun Allen

Music by Jeucey Negrete and Gage Farnes

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SB Thoughts:

1:22 have you heard of tinder?

1:31 ..was this shot really necessary?

1:41 time to eat pills and drink my fruit punch

1:49 uh you dropped your fruit punch

1:55 – 2:11 now it’s getting everywhere

2:34 sometimes we all dream we killed ourselves, witch Melania

3:02 “I wish I was married to this stuffed dog, but instead I’m married to Donald Trump”

3:23 “this is where I would put my baby……………….”

3:35 what is a cyclops doing in that baby bedroom?

3:43 ugh you have terrible taste in coffee

4:29 – 4:52 so glad we got this car footage in the film

5:05 time to buy cat food for that cat that didn’t exist in my home

5:30 totally forget the cat food

5:38 hahah what

6:18 you think you can just go out and buy cat food dead on black-sheet’d-ghost-in-your-hallway’s watch?!?! THINK AGAIN.

6:28 someone turned your nice stuffed dog into a dirty white eyed porcelain doll

6:34 and glued others to your ceiling

6:36 also, hands?

6:50 someone get this woman an emmy

7:17 what is it, witch Melania? speak.

7:28 ah yeah, about that..

7:44 don’t you hate it when your living room floor turns into a sand fire pit, black smoke seeps from under your basement door, the rubberman from AHS crawls your walls, and your front door is unleave-able?

8:10 just what this short needed –a drone.

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Lesson: When all else fails, bring in the drone footage.

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Rating: 2 out of 5 stars ✩✩