Tag Archives: kitchen knife

Marianne

Description: A Film By Jamie Knight
Starring: Brehna Williams & Georgia Machon

SB Thoughts:

:08 cream–CREAM—EVERYWHERE!!!

:16 FUCKING. GROSS., Marianne

1:20 ya, fuck those leaves

1:51 I’m sure that was nothing

2:02 you’re being tormented because you put ice in your wine

2:32 “OH, FUCK. I cat-know shits about to go down” – this cat

2:48 “I couldn’t give any less fucks. I just want to take baths in more cream”‘

3:28 “I can’t wait to murder this girl, so I can make with the bathing in more milk, already”

3:30 why would she need to wash her hands before drinking something?

3:48 ….? “I saved money by switching my water bill to 100% blood”

4:05 this girl does not look like a smoker

4:15 she just growled

4:45 ew, Marianne. not cool. who wears a jersey while taking a bath?

Lesson: Bathing in blood of virgins is so 18th century.

Rating: 3 out of 5 stars ✩✩✩

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This Little Piggy

Description: Bloody-nosed screams.

SB Thoughts:

:36 “HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU NOT TO EAT OUR SONS NOSE?!?!!?”

1:00 hahah WHAT?!?

first of all, ENTIRELY WRONG SIDE OF THE BED.

second of all, that cutting down motion that kid did would have never cut off someone’s nose

FOR SHAME, cryptTV. you know better.

1:01 – 1:11 increasingly ew.

1:48 OH THAT’S –SO MUCH WORSE– THAN THE NOSE.

Lesson: DON’T HAVE KIDS –for the hundredth time.

Rating: 4 out of 5 stars ✩✩✩✩

Inside

Description: A curious young photographer discovers more than she bargains for when she decides to explore off the beaten track…

Shot on the Blackmagic Cinema Camera as RAW and colour graded using DaVInci Resolve.

Starring
Stephanie Danielides
Brian Walker

Written and Directed by
Stuart Stanton

Cinematography
Adam Haywood/Joel Frances

Gore FX
Mark Horner

Key Grip/Equipment
Brian Walker

Music by Brian Canham (Pseudo Echo)

SB Thoughts:

:20 babe

1:30 dude, where could you possibly be holding car keys right now? absolutely no bag. no pockets. how do you live your life, fake woman?

2:20 aw, you’re so British.

2:30 but you’re, like, so dead. “not even stand a chance” dead

2:56 all of those water bottles are poison

3:20 MAKE NO MISTAKE – you will – pass out at the last moment before the monster, or whatever appears to keep you captured forever. you are the easiest prey to ever walk in the door, my dear.

4:05 OH WHAT’S THAT?!?1 ARE YOU GETTING SLEEPYY?!?! who saw that coming??????????????????????????????????????????????????????

4:33 good luck, Stumble-ina.

4:48 the record playing banshee has you now

4:59 cassette tape playing banshee*

5:16 great, now you’ve been involved in a ritual.

5:34 hahaha I love the instant response to retrieve her belly skin.

“no. this is still mine”

5:43 you done for, sweetheart.

5:47 “GOLLY, I SURE DO HOPE, I SAIDA, i SURE DO HOPE OL’ GIRL DIDN’T WAKE UP N NOTICE I TOOK HER BELLY.” – this killbilly*

5:58 GET TO GOUGIN’, GIRL. box cutters are good but large kitchen knives are better.

6:13 I respect that.

Lesson: Carry a purse/don’t drink strange bottles of water!!! COME ON.

Rating: 4 out of 5 stars ✩✩✩✩

The Nightmare Neighbour

Description: **
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Starring: Bob Hurford
Music: Robert Austin
**

SB Thoughts:

:34 “They’re comin’ to get me lucky charms”

1:46 “..don’t get me wrong –I love burning incense, moving around furniture, and eating dog treats as much as the next guy..”

3:33 FOOTAGE yaaaaasssss

3:49 just a little london bridge pupper

5:21 she better break into the house in the next 40 seconds cuz I’m bored.

5:55 so this was just real? snore.

Lesson: Real life is boring.

Rating: 1 out of 5 stars ✩